Me and my Bigg Mouth Part-II

So post no. 3 finally. I know you were dying to read it...(Better not get my hopes up!). Anyways i hope u enjoyed my last post.




Well as the posts keep on coming, u might get an idea of what kind of person i am. Till now u know umm...err...that i...umm...like reading books(what??), i am a little hard of hearing (maybe because I'm not paying attention to who's saying what) and I'm amusing (Oh! Am i ?? Boy you flatter me!!) and now you will know...I'm tad dyslexic.(Too big a word for you??) Dyslexic people are slow learners. Its not a disease its a disorder. I get very confused when i see lots of numbers, my sense of direction is pathetic (Its happened loads of times-almost every day- that while travelling in an auto-rickshaw to someplace I'll tell the driver to go left whilst pointing to the right....! Can you beat that!?) and i get confused with lots of words...like unisexual (Having one sex -either male or female) with homosexual (In bland terms- gay) and bisexual (having two sexes) with heterosexual (straight). It might be nothing for you...but these four terms here landed me into lots of trouble. Ulp!




The term 'sex' is taboo in India.(I can imagine loads of eyebrows being raised in the paragraph above...but trust me...this is a clean blog.No icky stuff I promise!). Anything heard containing that' three lettered word' is rewarded by astonished and sometimes angry stares from over-hearers (does this word exist...? No?...well then from now on it does).We as science students have to deal with the term when its being referred in context to gender or otherwise and it doesn't really matter to us (does it?? Naaah....).




All of us first year-ers who had opted for botany had a tough time preparing for it and regretted the decision of taking it up. I used to think what can be more easy than studying a plant- its green, it cant move or speak . How hard can it be? But it seems that the simplest things in life turn out to be the most complex ones after all. Who knew that we would be studying so many plants that i would start growing roots myself by the time i learnt all their properties!! Those Lil' things we would pull out while sitting on the ground had chemical reactions going on inside them so complex that we couldn't learn them even if they were etched on our brain!! Hell! (Kids...never pull out plants...ever...they know how to take revenge!!)




After a gruelling botany practical exam, me and my friends were chilling out (Big Time!) near a crowded bus stop. We decided to discuss the paper.(Big mistake!)



"What was the third specimen??"



"It was a monocot root"



"No it wasn't...it was a monocot leaf"



"How can you say that? I clearly saw it was a monocot root!!"



"It had stomata on it...Ive learnt enough botany to say stomata are not found on roots!!"



"Impossible...it wa...."



(Third cutting in)



" Both of you are wrong...that specimen was a permanent slide of vascular bundles. Your 'stomata' probably were the parenchymatous tissues...."



"I know stomata when i see them...How can you be so sure..."



"I asked the peon"



"HAH! If the peon knew so much...he wudnt be a peon today...he would be our professor....and the Vascular bundles were the first specimen not the third "



"Rubbish....the first one was an Ascaris...."



"Ascaris???(clearly bewildered) That's in Zoology!! It's an animal you idiot!!"



Aah! This 'enlightening conversation' of budding botanists (count me out...) caught quite some attention. , We however continued our schmooze.I was the only one from the group going home by bus,so my 'friends' decided to see me off. I too didn't bother to tell them not to.(Big Mistake... again). Not bothering to keep our voices down-

"Finally done with it...its over!"

"Oh yeah...."

"That specimen given for classification-the one with orange flowers-was from unisexuales right??"

"Yup..."

"Thank god!!"

"I hope you mentioned that point in the third question about the flower being ....."



And it went on and on....until....



"Its better in humans...once unisexual...always unisexual...."



[Note: PLs remember I confuse unisexual with homosexual and bisexual with heterosexual.....]



So i say, "Not necessarily..."



"What....??"



"Yeah...you heard me...its not necessary. Its the person's choice...you know" (getting a little red on the face now-we were standing on the bus stop remember. I see people discreetly trying to hear our talk.)



My friend is now really puzzled,"Devi, all human are born unisexuals you know that don't you....?"



"Born unisexuals?? They are not born unisexuals!!"



"(Speaking Slowly-as in 'speed' not 'tone') Ohkay, what are you trying to say? All of us here are unisexuals..."



(Now raising my voice-a bit)"I guess too much of botany does some damage to the brain..."



"Yeah...I can see that in you!!"



(I can feel my temper rising) "You talk about yourself...Mr Unisexual"



(People are looking at us now....)



"Oh yeah...and who exactly are you....?"



"I'm bisexual..."I shouted [I strongly meant- heterosexual...but...(sigh)]



"What??"



"you heard me...Im bisexual"







I have never seen a bus stop gone so quiet.







Then...realisation crashed on me like a wave. I was drenched with stupidity and the realisation of what I had said , what i had meant to say and what i had said, meant .







"Oh no...oh no...OH NO!!!"



Too late....







"HA HA HA!!!"



" Shut up guys....I didn't..."



"HA HA HA...."



All the unclejis and auntyjis were staring at me as if i were an alien from a third world country. I could see one particular man staring at me so intently, tht if he didn't blink, his eyes would pop out.Im damn sure none of them knew the meaning of 'bisexual' just because i uttered 'that word' i was getting the stare treatment. My friends were laughing their heads off thanks to my stupidity. I heard the limited 255 i go by screech to a halt in front of me. I gratefully clambered in and occupied an empty seat. Mr. Pop-out-eyes got in after me.There were only 2 vacant seats in the bus. One of which i occupied.The other was next to me. Mr Pop-out-eyes chose to stand rather than sit next to a bisexual. I Sniggered at the thought....

Such is life!



And the rest...as they say is history........







* * * * * * * *



Well someone asked me after reading my last post.You might wonder too...



"What's the use of writing your most embarrassing incidents all over the internet? You are embarassing yourself evern more arnt you? Such moments are not ment to be told. That why they are embaressing...."







Well mate..."One looses many laughs by not laughing at oneself....". So i have no problems writing such stuff...If any day i make a dull face light up with a smile, i think my day has been worthwhile. So have fun reading about me and my life.

If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.......
Untill the next post then....


See ya!!

Me and my bigg Mouth!! Part-1

Hey!
Well this is my second post here. I bet you were eagerly waiting for it! (ha ha). I was hoping I didn’t make a fool of myself and humiliate myself, as I very often do. Oh yeah! I have those ‘foot in mouth moments’ all the time! (Its so often…I’d rather call it feet in mouth!). People think I have a good sense of humor or a good ‘comic timing’. Little do they know most of these ‘masterpieces’ happen by accident mostly due to my ‘remarkable (extraordinary, outstanding noteworthy)’ hearing abilities (the results are quite entertaining!).
About a year ago, just after I had passed my 12th grade(miracles happen!), I had gone to Pune for an entrance exam with my elder cousin sister, who was supposed to give an exam too. After my exam was over we ate and roamed around the streets of Pune, sweating like hell. My cousin had a brainwave and she called up one of her dad’s friends, who lived nearby, to ask if we could drop in for a while. She said she knew this aunty and uncle since a long time and they used to be their neighbors in Delhi before they came to Pune. I gratefully trudged along. Getting out of the sun was on top of my priority list. We arrived at a huge bungalow, in the army’s residential area, with a beautiful manicured garden. Auntyji was on the gate waiting for us. I'm pretty sure I was sun stroked as I was feeling a bit woozy. My cousin introduced me to her, and I gave her a big smile, (which was more like showing off my teeth to a dentist!I normally do that when I don’t have anything to say, my friends can give testimony to that! I personally think its kind of stupid-just smiling away when someone’s talking to you! Sheeeesh! ) . Auntyji did not pay attention to my overwhelming smile and ushered us inside. My cousin though, gave me an ‘Are you okay?’ kind of look behind her back. I nodded in reply and followed her in.

We entered into a huge sitting room, a huge sitting room…with a fan…out of the sun…and comfy sofas…with a table on which were resting two glasses of chilled sherbet. Heaven!! I sipped my sherbet in silence as my cousin and auntyji started chatting. I was marveling the interiors of the house when I heard, “So betaa, What are your parents doing?”. “She’s talking to you” hissed my cousin. Now, because of my wooziness and because I was not paying attention to their talk, (if any of my teachers read this their reaction-“What’s new?? When was the last time Devyani has paid attention to anyone talking?” .True. He He He), I heard ‘friends’ instead of ‘parents’. Major Ooops! I was actually puzzled. Why would she be asking about my friends? But then I dropped the idea of asking her to repeat her question, I answered -(.I’ll give you a dialogue.I like writing dialogues! Its fun and addictive! Cant help it!)
ME: “Well Auntyji, they are running around for their admissions like me.”

AUNTYJI(Clearly baffled): “Huh?”

ME: (Clueless on her baffle-ness) “Yeah, Auntyji most of them haven’t scored well, You know.”

AUNTYJI: “Your p…”

Ive gotta learn to keep my moth shut…I didn’t let her finish. I went on…AAaaahhh!!

ME: “They are tying for engineering or medical, however I'm not interested in any of the two…”

AUNTYJI: “Wha…”

ME: “…We have loads of arguments on this topic” ( I went on uninterrupted)

MY COUSIN: (With a flabbergasted expression on her face) “She’s talking about your mum and dad-your parents!!!”

ME: “I….Oh….” (Smiling sheepishly…surprise surprise!) “I thought you said friends...I...ummm...erm”

Auntyji was still looking at me as I had completely lost it. I continued to sip on my sherbet which was boiling hot now…may be because of the heat of embarrassment I was exuding. My cousin kindly reminds me of this day every time she comes to visit.
Well…cant help it! Life’s like that! It pushes ya in the mud and then pulls ya up and laugh right back at you. They key is to get back up and laugh with it! And laugh louder if possible. (Actually…that’s what friends do…but I had nothing else to describe it... but you get my point….i hope....heheh)
Well I have another very embarrassing anecdote to share with you people. That one takes the cake…I swear! And for that you’ll have to wait until my next post…next week! [I bet you can’t wait! ;o)]

See ya!!!

{Typical….rite??? I think so too…..}