A Palabra of Pride... and a Subway Sandwich.

So I woke up a few days ago, with this strange need to eat a sub sandwich. All I could think about was "God, I need to have a sub today". The Subway adverts added to this queer temptation. So it was decided, a veggie delight from Subway for lunch. Final.

It was one of those days, where all you want to do is curl up and indulge in some comfort food, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S reruns and basically do nothing productive. The day was so 'blehsome'. It was cold. I didn't feel like cooking or reading or even watering the plants. I had thoughts about my life being so sad, useless and pathetic. The only thing that could make it all better was a parmesan-oregano breaded 'Veggie Delight Sub'- slathered with mayonnaise and black pepper yogurt with a dash of mustard and a hint of south-west sauce. Thinking about the sub made me feel so good that I called up our nearest Subway store, a kilometer away from our home, asking them to deliver my sub the way I wanted it.
After what seemed like eternity, but was actually 45 minutes the doorbell rang and a chorus of "Hallelujah" erupted in my head (the happy hallelujah not the Jeff Buckley version). I skipped to the door and there was the Subway guy with my "the-best-thing-that-will-happen-to-me-all-day-awesomesauce" sub. After paying him, I skipped to the kitchen, tore off the wrapping just to find an abysmally thin, not too delightful, sub.

This is supposed to make me feel good about myself? Really?

Curious, I parted the the sandwich open to find no sauce except for a measly dollop of south-west  and a smudge of black pepper yogurt. The absence of veggies in the veggie delight was not pleasing wither. (Is this what you call irony??) All I could see was lettuce, a few tomatoes and a single sorry cucumber slice. No olives, no pickles, no Jalapeños . I could have gotten a better sandwich at any street side sandwich shop. I was crushed. 

I don't want to sound neurotic or anything, but when you put so much thought, imagination and emotion into a sandwich and it doesn't turn out the way it should,  it is upsetting. And if you're a food lover, it's apocalyptic. 

So I'm sitting in a post-apocalyptic shock with the WMD sandwich (Weapon of Mojo destruction) in my hand. Without giving it too much thought I called up Subway, stating that I was very upset with the sandwich that I was sent. 

Me: I am very upset with the sandwich that I was sent.

Subway: Why? 

Me: There are hardly any veggies and none of the sauces that I asked for. Its not what I wanted.

Subway: We don't put sauces in sandwiches we send for delivery.

Me: WHAT? That's absurd!

Subway: Yes, the sandwich becomes too soggy.

Me (Anger rising): So you'll send me a dry sub?

Subway: It can't be dry.

Me (temper rising): I'm telling you it is....

Subway: "It is" not possible.

Me (Temper off the hook): So will you believe me when I bring the sandwich down to the store and show it to you?

Subway: Yes come anytime you wish.

Me: (Too angry to say anything, I hang up)

Fuming, I start to change out of my PJs to my street clothes. "You chose the wrong person to mess with Sub-boy". You should not pull a  tiger's tail or mess with a hungry girl with a ruined sandwich.

While looking for my wallet, I realized something.  A voice in my head took over. 

 Voice: So what if you go to Subway? You show them the sandwich and they fix it. They put a dollop of mayo and other sauces. Then what? Are you telling me you're going to go all the way to Subway for mayo and mustard?? Is that what you're saying.?

Me: No. I'm going for the olives, jalapenos and pickles as well.

Voice: Its not about the pickles!! Do you have any idea how stupid you'll look? Right now after that phone call. you were the crazy-neurotic-psycho sandwich girl who didn't get enough mayo on her sandwich. When you go there, they'll be able to put a face to that name. 

Me: But if I don't go, they win.

Voice: *Facepalm*

Then I slowed down. Will they laugh at me if I go? Will i come across as crazy?
Voice: Yes you will.

Me: Aah shut up!

It was a matter of pride. I knew the guy at Subway told me to "come anytime you wish" because he thought I won't come all the way down to the store for such a petty issue. Its just sauce after all. 

It all came down to Mayo and Mustard.

And Jalapenos, Olives and Pickles.

I was in a daze contemplating about the issue in hand. And before I knew it. I was at subway.

There was this huge line of people waiting for their subs. And there was me. I stood outside the store for a few moments and then made a dash to the ATM next doors. 
"Ok... lets not fret now.... I want what I want, and I want a decent sandwich!" Keeping my breathing steady and bracing myself I exited the ATM and  entered the store. 


Spotting a guy manning the phones I went up to him and said, "Hi, I just called. I want my sandwich fixed."
Since I'm a good people-face-expression-reader, they guys there were either:
a) Not expecting me to come
b) Ashamed that they thought I would'nt come
c) Had no clue about my sandwich or my call or
d) Were born with bewildered expressions on their faces.


Long story short... (Oops too late!) They PROFUSELY apologized for the trouble they caused. And loaded my sub with all the veggies a poor 6 inch sub could handle. And Oh, there was Mayo and Mustard. Lots of it.


Moral of the story: You want something. Go get it. It doesn't matter how stupid you look in the process, because the end result is delicious. :)
Don't believe me? Well this picture proves it. 

See y'all next time! 

A few things Ive learnt in life...

I just realized the title of my blog is, "The plights of a confused teenage mind". (I knew that all along, i just remembered it right now...). As right now, I'm 19 years and sum months old old (I was born in December, you do the math...I'm writing a blog n that's more than enough!!) So, I realised that i have a few months left till this 'title' actually makes sense!! (I hope ur calculating fast...I'm running out of time people!!). So here it goes...

Well I'm 19 years old (yup,im makin a big deal out of this!!) and in these 19 years of my life Ive learnt a lot of stuff (A lot of stuff except botany and calculus- never got the hang of it!!). Some of which ive listed below...

1) Whenever your mom tells you "Fine, go on.Do it. It is your life after all." It means "no.dont even think about it.".

2) Even though its really cute, never let a street puppy play on the new carpet in the drawing room. You know its new, he dosent. And the stains never go!!

3)If your comps not working, never fiddle with the wires. You might end up making things worse...

4) Its always good to observe your younger/elder siblings. They make the mistakes and you learn from them.

5) Never wear a yellow and black combo in Mumbai. People might look at you and shout "Taxi!!"

6)Until unless you have to go to Virar, never take a Virar local, even though it looks empty. You might not get off or worse, you wont be allowed to get off.

7)No matter how good you are at it, never play catch with eggs.

8)When you wake up in the morning and you're all groggy and sleepy, check what you are washing your face with. It might be toothpaste!!

9) Just the time you think "No ones looking", turn around and check again!!

10) Never believe your friends (no matter how close) on whatever they say during the first week of April.

11)When your teenage sister looks at the news paper and screams, its NOT because of the rising pollution levels or decrease in tiger population or anything related to global warming. (its because of a picture of David Beckham or Jhonny Depp)

12) Never put rocks in your mouth.

13) If you do put rocks in your mouth, make sure they are rocks!!

14) Trust me, "chaat masala" can really mess up the taste of whatever you are trying to cook sometimes!!

15) If you want a hairstyle like ellen degenres, make sure if you'll look good in it (i tried and ended up looking like mayawati...)

16) Sometimes, its best to keep quiet then to start yappin and making a fool of yourself. Its better to be tagged as 'shy' than 'stupid'.

17) Will Smith is not going to save the world from a Global Warming crisis. Start saving yourself and others...NOW!!

18)There is so much you can learn just by observing people!! This is something ive observed: whenever you se a celeb, the worst thing you can do to attract attention is bang on their car windows. This way to attract unwanted attention - of their bodyguards- as well!!

19) "Hey!! you look just like Britney spears" is no longer considered as a compliment!!

20) When buying wada-pav off the streets, never look how its made, EVEN though it tastes soo good!! (you'll never be able to have another wada pav in your life untill unless you change your attitude or sense of hygiene).

21) This is what i learnt in class 3- a "scholarship" is not a Boat filled with students!!

22) A plate branded as 'unbreakable' will break if you try to break it. So to avoid all the ruckus that will eventually follow...dont try it in the first place!!

23)After breaking a plate or any kind of glassware saying,"Breaking glass is considered to be a good omen" sounds very lame and will not please your mom.

24)Smiling does not get you out of trouble all the time. It makes you look even more stupid, if possible.

25) Its no use ordering a diet coke with a Maharaja Mac and fries...

Will keep on adding stuff as I keep on remembering...

Readers, if any, are free to give inputs!!!

Untill next time...!!

Ciao

The Breifcase

Hey!! Well here's post no 4!! Tah- Dah!!!



I thank you all for taking the pains of reading this stuff and giving me all that wonderful feed-back!!



Well, I ended my last post with a very simple sentence..."Such is life...". Simple? Think again. Philosophers all over the world have tried to find out the meaning of life and me sittin here pattering away on the keyboard simply says 'Hey! Thats life!!..." Weird? You bet. People say stuff like- "Life is just a chance to grow a soul" or "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." (Ugh!! Heavy stuff!!)


Normal people (Like me and you...? Hmm...Thats sumthing to think about) get away with stuff like "Life is like and ice-cream, eat it before it melts" or "Life like a boat, climb aboard before it sails away..."(Ho Hum). My favorite being ," Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it" and "Life should be like toilet paper...Long and useful"! Ha ha!! Ahh Long live these Wize-cracking Wizards!(And im not talking about Harry Potter here...!) Anyway, my point is, some people take a lifetime to understand life, for some it may take minutes; some, well- are to busy to give it a thought and some just dont bother. For me- it took a briefcase and 60 seconds.

We were in a train, on our way to Nagpur for a short holiday- and a family function. The first thing I do when I get on a train is grab a book, select the best of the 4 seats(Mostly the upper ones) allotted to our family of four and settle down reading, without interacting with anybody. My sister however, pesters my father to buy a book-(ie magazines,comics n stuff) and chats up with people if she can. People sometimes get surprised to know we are sisters.

When I finally got bored of my book, I popped on my headphones and started listening to my iPod. After what seemed like 20 minutes my sisters head popped up.
“Answer this…whats the height of stupidity?”
“I dunno, What’s your height?” (Good one naa…??)
I snickered at my answer
“Ha ha very funny….”
“What do you want?” I interjected before she said something else.
“I want the iPod…you’ve been listening to it since ages!”
“Its just been 20 mins!”
“No, its been 3 hrs”
“Yeah…rite” I replied sarcastically.
“I'm not moving until you give that to me.”
“High hopes”

She stood there (Mind you I was on the upper berth…so she was kind of hanging by a pole). I really have to admire her patience! She stood like that for ten minutes!!
“I refuse to give up
I refuse to give in…”
Shes still standing there….

“ I don’t wanna give up…
I don’t wanna give in…Oh no…”
“Ahh!! Take it and get lost!!”
“Yaay! Toodles!”

I was left grumbling to myself. iPodless.
“Sisters! Bah!! Wait until next time…ill get back at you…someday”

I returned back to my book. The train screeched to a halt at some station.
The bogie was pretty crowded. I suspected it was the holidaying crowd going home for their holidays. One gentleman entered in, in quite a hurry. (I noticed him out of all people because –1. He was out of breath, looking hassled and 2. He was wearing a loud orange shirt on brown trousers!! A major fashion faux pas I must say!) In his hand was a black briefcase.
He was talking to a person sitting in front of me on the bottom berth.
“Excuse me Bahisahab. Can you please take care of my bag? I need to go down to the platform and meet some one.”
Bhaisahab was least interested in what Mr Loud-shirt was saying. He hardly looked up from his magazine he was reading and grunted a yes.
“Thank you”
And saying this he placed his briefcase near the window and left. Right above the place where the briefcase lay was a sign reading “Please report any unaccompanied baggage to the authorities, for your safety and others”.
I sat bolt upright.
I saw Mr Loud Shirt hurrying towards the doorway
Ohkay, don’t panic…the guy probably must be here somewhere, don’t jump to conclusions.”
“…report any un-accompanied baggage …”
“There must be hundreds of bags lying around like that!”
“…for your safety and others…”
I gulped.
I frantically searched for any sign of a bright orange shirt in the gallery. I found none.
My heart raced as I thought of the unthinkable. My mind wandered to the 11/7 train blasts in Mumbai the previous year. I looked for my parents. Dad was reading ‘Outlook’ which had a man with bloodshot eyes holding, what looked like an AK-47, staring at me from the cover.
“This is crazy” I thought. Was I seeing omens?
Mom was sitting a bit far off, I couldn't see her. My sister was no help at all. She was on the berth below me. I could hear her sing.

“…with their tanks and their bombs;
and their bombs and their guns,
in your head…in your head ,
they are dying…”

“You have the WORST timing ever, sis” I thought.
I sat there and sweated like a pig, even in the cold A.C bogie. My heartbeat increased every second.
“A few minutes ago, I was worried about my sister and a stupid iPod.” I thought. “Before that, I was worried if I packed my bag properly. It all seems so…insignificant now…”My eyes rested on the briefcase. A ragged old, black briefcase.

Sumthing struck me...

Now that i was thinking about death, did I realise the importance of life. Never did somebodys misfortune or hardships stir me more than my own plight did. Strange as it may seem, I had a new positive outlook (Not the magazine) towards life. Life seemed...precious. I wanted to live- more than ever before.
My life IS like a briefcase. Packed with so many things- both important and unimportant(…for me but significant for my living) lying pell- mell inside it, appearing to be over-stuffed with emotions but always having room for more. My life is not like a ‘book’ which one could read cover to cover, it is a briefcase…a ‘depot’ of my emotions, feelings and thoughts. I wanted to keep on filling it..till it burst (I vigorously shook my head...Anything BUT burst...)...till it overflowed.
“Beautiful…” I mockingly sniffed, “If I survive this, I'm gonna jot this down somewhere”.
IF…
The train hooted. My pulse raced.

"Oh my god oh my god…"
Mr Loud Shirt was nowhere in sight. The train started to move. I had to tell someone.
“Its now or never…here goes nothing…” .The train was picking up speed with my every thought.
Just as I opened my mouth to call out to my Dad, there he was standing at the doorway out of breath (Surprise!!) again. He walked in. Git.
“Thank you bhaisahab. I almost lost the train!”
Bhaisahab merely looked over his magazine and grunted again.
Sheeeesh!!
I was besieged by an un-natural calm. Like there were no more worries in the world. I still don’t know why. I must have had an odd expression on my face as it made my father ask me, “ Are you okay??”.
To which I replied, “ I'm fine Dad, never felt better”.
My sister switched to a new song (Thank God!), by Bryan Adams (Bless her!!)
“On a day like today,
No one complains,
The sun’s gonna shine,
Shine through the rain,
On a day like today,
You never wanna see the sun go…down…”

Until Next time...

Peace!